Seize the Day

May 11th started out as a normal Thursday for us. James took off for work early, Ashton was home prepping for the wedding, and I was chasing kids and playing catchup on house jobs that I had neglected. Trevin and Myla were playing nicely together, running around and making lots of happy noise. I was folding a load of laundry and Ashton was washing some dishes. I heard the thud of Myla falling in the kitchen. (She had only been walking for a couple weeks, so she fell often.) She started crying, it wasn't the normal fuss/complaint when she falls, I could tell she must have hit hard because she let out a loud scream. I came into the kitchen and saw that Ashton had picked her up. I could tell she wasn't settling, so I took her from Ashton to try and calm her down. She let out a couple more hard cries before she took a breath and held it... and held it... and held it. (She had done this in the past when she was really worked up, but it never lasted more than a few seconds.) She wouldn't let it out. She wouldn't take another breath. She was holding it much longer than usual, so I started to take her to her room in hopes of calming her down faster in a dark, quiet place. I took two steps and then it happened. Her head rolled back away from my body. Then she instantly started seizing in my arms. I laid her down on the carpet as fast as I could and I gently held her tiny little arms to her sides. Ashton dialed James immediately. I called 911. I answered the dispatcher's questions. My voice shaking more with each word. Trevin stood close and watched quietly. James was home in 30 seconds, which was a miracle in itself. (He was literally on his way home before he got the call. So thankful for God's timing in that.) He raced in and found us leaning over her body. Ashton had tried to call Dori (she has a medical background and is always our first responder,) but no answer. Ashton drove down to their house to get her and Paul. James and I wept over our precious girl. I remember us both calling out her name in utter desperation. It was pure agony. Each second seemed like a thousand. She laid there, but it wasn't her. There was no life in her eyes. She was no where to be found. It was just her body producing sharp jolts of movement. She appeared to be cold, lifeless. She'd gasp for breath with each convulsion and I could feel the forced movement of her body. I've never felt more helpless in my life. I had been consumed with fear. I was so so so scared. James prayed out loud as we held her and longed for it to end. While James prayed, I felt a peace sweep over me. And I felt God say "I love her, too." The earth-shattering fear vanished. My body loosened and I looked at my daughter and I smiled at her. I said her name sweetly and told her that we loved her. And that's when it happened. She looked at me. She had been facing me for most of the seizure, so her eyes were pointed at me, but now, she was there. She looked at me and the seizure slowed and stopped within a few seconds. We figure she seized for about 2.5 minutes, which is a long seizure. Paul, Dori, and Ashton all arrived a few seconds later. Myla laid there looking limp, dazed and half asleep. I picked her up and held her so close, rocking her and stroking her head. She looked exhausted and would seem to fall asleep only to open her eyes slightly and let out a small cry. This went on for a few minutes. Finally, she came out of it. She opened her eyes all the way and looked around. She started to cry. The ambulance arrived and they were thrilled to hear her crying when they walked in. James' cousin, Caden, was on the call and we were so thankful. He checked her vitals and we talked them through what happened. Myla didn't have a bump or even a red mark on her head from falling. She checked out fine and they said she wouldn't need a ride by ambulance, but it would be a good idea to call her doctor and let him know what happened. 

Myla seemed so tired, so we laid her down to let her sleep. I called her pediatrician and he wanted us to come in for a CT scan right away. We took her to the ER. At this point, she still seemed tired, but was pretty much back to normal. The doctor examined her and we told him what had happened. The CT scan was to check for any head injury from the fall that may have caused the seizure. With no mark on her head from the fall and the fact that she recovered so quickly, the ER doctor gave us the option to skip the CT scan. He didn't see anything alarming and figured the seizure was triggered from her holding her breath and not getting enough oxygen to her brain. We opted to skip the scan and were sent home with instructions to keep a close eye on her. (We had her 1-year appointment scheduled for 5 days later, so we knew she'd be checked out again regardless.) Just like that we loaded her into the car and went home. It was so bizarre. It felt like bringing a newborn home from the hospital, not really sure what to do, feeling incapable of caring for her, so nervous about messing up. All of the feelings swept over me again. We watched her like a hawk for the next few days. Two days later James and I had walked out the door to grab something, leaving Myla with Ashton. Myla screamed, held her breath and passed out. Ashton yelled for us, thinking that she would seize again. We laid her down and within a few seconds she woke back up. The next week, when I spoke to her pediatrician about both episodes he agreed with the paramedics and ER doctor; Myla seemed fine and the seizure was likely triggered by holding her breath.  He said something went wrong in her body the first time; she should have just passed out, but her body seized instead. Our hope is that her body figured it out and realized seizing was not the first response to lack of oxygen, and he was glad to know she just passed out the second time. He did say that if she continued to hold her breath, and seized again, we'd have to go in for neurological testing to see what's causing her body to react in that way. In the past week, she's held her breath and passed out twice. So far, she's doing what she's supposed to be doing, except for the whole not breathing thing. We're still watching her for any signs that there are deeper issues, but she's growing, learning, and jabbering just like normal, so we're breathing a little easier, no pun intended. 

I glazed over a few details that I want to go back and explain. Trevin was the only one that saw the fall. We asked him several times what happened, trying to get a good picture of the scenario. We asked him if he pushed her or if she just fell. He said she was carrying a dish towel, tripped on it, and fell forward on our linoleum. Trevin watched the entire episode unfold. In all the chaos, I noticed he slinked back farther and farther. By the time the ambulance arrived, there was so much commotion, Dori read the situation and took him back to her house for some 1-on-1 time. He seemed concerned and told her several times that he didn't push her. I think he felt that he had caused it even though he hadn't. We all assured him that Myla was ok and it was not his fault in any way. Ashton and my mom took him out for lunch and brought him home shortly after we got home from the ER. He asked several questions in the next few days, but overall he seems to have handled it well. Mostly he was just bummed he didn't get to ride in the ambulance. Go figure. 

Our Associate Pastor, Rick, came to visit us in the ER. We were so grateful. Those moments can be incredibly lonely, and his presence, even for a little while, was so encouraging. He was the voice of our entire church body giving us love and support. After Myla's seizure, we sent out a message on our church prayer chain, asking for wisdom, peace, and healing. We are so incredibly blessed to be a part of a community that shares and carries each other's burdens. We love them all so much. 

I've heard people say, God doesn't just know your future, He's already there. When I walk by the spot where she laid, the spot where we wept over her, I have so much comfort knowing that God not only met us there, but he was there waiting for us before her seizure. It was the scariest moment of my life but, yet again, God proved that He is present and He is faithful. 

Myla: 

While there were a lot of scary moments, we also had so many fun memories this month!

+Her vocabulary is shocking us. She seems to be picking up a couple new words each week. Of course she doesn't pronounce them well, she makes the same sounds in reference to what she's talking about. New words that I can think of are baby, tractor, baba (bottle), cracker, book, and Myla, which she pronounces "eye-ya." 

 +Myla was dedicated at church this month. Last year's dedication was on my due date, and I was positive she'd be dedicated then, but she was a week late and had to wait a whole year. (I feel terrible, but we only took one photo at her dedication. It's true that the second kid doesn't get near as many pictures.)

+She's running around all over the place. She's so so clumsy, triggering all of the falls, but she's really starting to pick up speed. She rarely crawls anymore. 

+She got her first baby set and stroller. She has become quite the little mama. She pushes the stroller around all the time and is always feeding the bottle or carrying the baby around. It seems wrong that my baby is holding a baby. 

+ We finally got her hair in a ponytail! She's looking all grown-up now. 

+Oh yeah, and we celebrated 1 year of Myla!!!

I know I just said last month that I don't bake cakes, but I actually made Myla's! It turned out cute and tasted like cake. It was my very first success. 

We celebrated her birthday a few days early, on Sunday the 14th, after her baby dedication. It was a day full of celebration, especially considering her seizure had happened just a few days earlier. 

The clothes had to come off for the cake smash, because if there's anything that I dislike more than baking cake, it's trying to get stains out of clothes... 

Myla was generous in sharing her cake, except she pulled back every piece she offered and stuck it in her own mouth. Also, Trevin may have licked the frosting off of her face. 

We had the most beautiful day to celebrate the most beautiful girl. 

On her birthDAY, we did some shopping and then spent the afternoon outside doing some of her favorite things. 

She and I feel the same way about Qdoba. 

We got Myla a picnic table for her birthday. She sat like that, grinning, for a half-hour. 

Trevin:

+He got to go on an all-day fishing trip with James and James' friend, Luke. 

It ended up being a pretty chilly day, but Trevin had a blast. He talks about going to Lake Wanahoo all the time. I look at these pictures and just know that they will be photos that Trevin always cherishes. James has some with his dad when he was about Trev's age. I love to see generational traditions take form. 

+Trevin still has some things to learn. For instance, this month, he referred to the USA as the Fighted States of America. Honestly, that might be a more accurate picture of our country right now.

+He received a goldfish and a minnow for his birthday from his cousins. He named the goldfish, "Carrot," and the minnow, "Bubbles." Carrot died after a few days and I asked Trevin if he wanted to flush him or bury him. He wanted to bury him. We buried him in the garden, by the carrots. A few days later Bubbly died. He's buried by Carrots. They were the best pets we've ever had. Also, the only pets we've ever had. And I don't see anymore in our future. It's ok to hate me for that. I don't mind. 

+We celebrated Quest Recognition in May. He worked so hard this year memorizing verses and catechism questions for our Wednesday night church program. We are so proud of him! Also, the Quest kids sang one of their songs during the church service, and Trevin was the only one doing the actions. I love him for that. 

+Trevin also got to spend a day at the river with some of his best buds/cousins. These boys and their dads fished and did man things, like run around in their underwear. Thankfully the dads put more clothes on when the moms came. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I did something a little different for Memorial Day this year. I took the kids to the Peony Farm by Trumbull. We picked flowers walked the gardens, smelling as many as we could. Then we went to the annual Memorial Day service in Stockham and then the Kliewer family picnic. We walked through the cemetery and Trevin laid flowers on the graves of our family and friends. It was a sobering and special memory, one that I never want to forget. 

Between wedding week and JT and Ashton staying at our house the following weekend, Myla and JT became best friends. Her "inner circle" is slowly growing. 

Summer is officially underway. James put a sandbox in for the kids, we set up the pool, went to a track meet, and have spent many hours playing outside. 

We tried hard to soak in the last few weeks we had with Ashton. We certainly miss her!

But her "going away party" was the best. 

Aren't they the cutest? Yes. Yes, they are. 

The wedding day was so much fun. The rain held off for most of the day and everything went smoothly. 

Myla handled her first flower girl gig like a champ, and Trev is getting to be a pro at this ring bearer thing. 

I had to give a speech at the reception. I mostly just made fun of them and left out all the sappy stuff, because I cry when I'm nervous, so I can't say sentimental things with a microphone in my hand. 

The reception was full of food, dancing, and laughter. It was the greatest night. We are so excited for their brand new marriage, but look forward to them moving back home SOON. 

 We're in the middle of VBS week at church, next week we have the Helms' clan visiting, and we'll finish out the month with swimming lessons and summer more fun!

#Wetherpermitting, growing on the farm...