We're coming to a close on 2019. I can't decide if I'm glad to have this chapter behind us or if I desperately don't want it to end. Generally, I welcome the next stage of life, looking forward to what is to come, but I feel part of me will be left in 2019 and I'm not sure that I want to move on from that.
But yet, here we are. The days ticking down until the calendar turns to a new year. Initially when I think about this year, tears form in my eyes, but when I look through these pictures and record these memories, a smile trumps the tears. Even though it's been hard, it has been good. Even though it's been painful, it has been strengthening. Even though it's scarred us, we're grateful for it.
But yet, here we are. The days ticking down until the calendar turns to a new year. Initially when I think about this year, tears form in my eyes, but when I look through these pictures and record these memories, a smile trumps the tears. Even though it's been hard, it has been good. Even though it's been painful, it has been strengthening. Even though it's scarred us, we're grateful for it.
Pumpkin Patch
Myla and I joined Trevin on his pumpkin patch field trip this fall.
Myla did her best to keep up with the big kids all day. It was the most beautiful October day.
Halloween
Halloween brought a Star Wars theme this year. The stormtrooper and Rey made a good duo that was able to collect record amounts of candy. We took them to Scare the Square in Aurora and hit the hotspots in Stockham.
I joked that the fight between Rey and the stormtrooper would continue long after the costumes were off. And I wasn't wrong.
Highlights:
•We finished harvest in November and it might have been the most satisfying one yet. After the farming year we've had, it felt SO good to get everything in. Considering how the rest of the season went, harvest went fairly smooth. James was able to get all of his post-harvest field work accomplished quickly and we actually felt like we wrapped up this year in a positive way. He was even able to do some custom field work for some guys and it finally felt like we were on top of things again.
•This winter may look just a little bit different for James. There will likely still be flamers to build, but there are a couple other opportunities for Thermal Edge that could change our production a little bit. It's exciting to think about these possibilities, but also incredibly insane to know the potential for this business.
•It's a highlight any time we get to see this sweet girl! She just started walking and I can't wait to see it with my own eyes in a couple weeks.
•You may remember that the women in my dad's family host an annual bunco party. This year was princess themed. I went as Anna and was sporting a decent baby bump. I told everyone that I was predicting Frozen 2's storyline with a pregnant princess. Myla thought it was so cool that I got an Anna costume, until I put it on and then she said, "Mom, that's embarrassing."
•The family is preparing for a new baby by spoiling the kitty. (He's not an inside cat, but James sneaks him in from time to time.)
•I'm still spending lots of time at the bakery and, at the same time, trying to cut back my coffee intake. It's counterproductive.
•The first snow of the year! It even earned Trevin a snow day before Thanksgiving break.
•I made donuts on our first official snow day, because it just felt right. But also, there's not a wrong time for homemade donuts...
•We always begin our advent traditions on December 1. This year was no different. Trevin has started doing a lot of the reading this year, and it's been so special to watch.
•Several weeks ago, James felt a sharp pain in his ankle. He thought maybe he had re-broke it (from an accident 9 years ago) or that his plate and screws had come loose because of the way his skin was pulled differently and the pain he was experiencing. I took him to the doctor and x-rays showed that everything was in tact. He likely tore scar tissue between the skin and the plate/screws, causing the pain and appearing as if there had been a change underneath the skin. He opted to have the plate and screws removed, so he had surgery last week to take care of that. He's in a walking boot, or at least supposed to be, for two weeks. His recovery has been really smooth so far and he's glad to have all of the spare parts removed. I think we're all ready to have some quiet, pain-free, doctor-less days ahead... They've got to be coming, right?
House Projects
I feel like I'm in a constant state of nesting. I'm feeling like I want to tackle all of the projects before this baby comes. On a whim, I repainted the entryway. I used the same color as the kitchen and living room that I painted this spring when we added the sliding glass door. I decided not to stop there and started carrying the paint color into the laundry room. Then I hit some wallpaper, panicked, and pressed pause. Hopefully I can finish up the laundry room in the next week or so. We'll see.
I am desperately wanting to get rid of the chevron, but it must have scarred James when he helped me map it out 6 years ago, because he wants me to leave it. I'm still considering my options for the space, but I'm fully convinced it needs to go. 2009 called, it wants its chevron back.
Which brings us to our actual project... the nursery and bedroom hallway. We knew there was original hardwood floor under most of the bedroom wing of the house. We refinished our bedroom and Myla's room before she was born, but for some reason, stopped there. We decided it was time to uncover the remainder of the hardwood and refinish it. The only problem was that a wood stove used to sit in the middle of a hallway, back when it wasn't a hallway. So there was a section of floor that was only plywood.
We found some new wood that matched ours and James patched it in, hoping that it wouldn't be too noticeable. And the hallway was covered in a thick coat of glue, so all of that had to be scraped by hand before we could use the sander on it.
After the holes were patched, James began sanding down the floors. They looked beautiful and it was amazing to see them really come back to life.
We stained them the same color as the other two bedrooms and tried our best to stay away from home as the smell from the stain took over the house.
Finally, the finishing coat went on and the floors looked as if they should have always been this way.
We've got a new window to install in the nursery, new paint for the hallway and bedroom, new doors for the remaining bedrooms that haven't been updated, and fresh white trim to put up. Then I can start getting the room put together. It's hard to believe that we'll be bringing a new baby home in just a few short months.
Trevin:
•He was a cute toddler, but man alive, he's a cute second grader, too.
•He came home one week from school with a challenge from the teacher to learn all 45 presidents by Christmas. He was so excited to try to memorize them as fast as he could. I'm not kidding you, he practiced every single day. He was memorizing 10+ a week and he had them all down in a couple weeks. I couldn't believe how fast he did it. I was so proud of him. But his new knowledge has led to him trying to quiz us to see how many we know. He thinks we should learn them all, too. We've got a good chunk of them memorized, just from helping him learn them, but I'm not even close to having all 45. He likes holding this over me.
•Anyone that's known Trevin for awhile, or spent much time with him, will have probably noticed that he frequently has a cough. For several years, we thought he was just susceptible to colds and never seemed to really get over the cough. For a while I thought it was a fake cough. He never had any other symptoms and it was the weakest, shallowest cough I've ever heard, almost as if he was just clearing his throat. Then last year we finally realized this cough was reoccurring, coming and going at certain times, during certain activities, for certain lengths of time. We thought it was allergies because sometimes it flared up at the same time that everyone else was complaining about their allergies, so we got him on some allergy meds. I thought maybe the meds were helping a little, but he really wasn't getting any relief. The cough was still lingering and he couldn't seem to stop. The week of Thanksgiving, the cough intensified. He was coughing almost nonstop. He coughed all through the night. Never coughing anything up, or even having a hard cough, it was the shallow, clear-your-throat cough on repeat every thirty seconds. The holiday weekend delayed an appointment to see the doctor, so I kept him home from on Monday after Thanksgiving to try and get an appointment and see if we could figure out what was up.
James and I had been researching potential causes and started to wonder if we had mold or if this was a form of asthma or if he literally had formed a habitual cough (which is a thing, apparently.) I explained Trevin's history to his doctor and mentioned our curiosity about mold or asthma. As soon as I said the word asthma, the doctor started nodding his head. He said that when most people think of asthma, they think of the wheezing, sports-related asthma, but not all asthma presents that way. Apparently, some asthma can present as a tickle in the throat that causes the feeling that you need to cough. And it can be triggered by, wait for it, allergies. Other triggers could be physical activity and any viruses going around. So when we thought he never could get over the colds, it was his asthma kicking in from the virus. When he couldn't stop coughing at football practice, it was his asthma being triggered.
The doctor put him on a steroid for a few days for immediate relief and an inhaler for use as needed. He doesn't have asthma attacks, like you'd picture in your mind, so he doesn't have to have his inhaler with him at all times. His case is fairly mild and easily manageable. Within 24 hours of the steroids and using the inhaler, he was almost completely free of the cough. I was so grateful and also felt terrible that it had taken us this long to figure out that there was something deeper going on. Unfortunately, the steroids were really hard on his body and he was pretty out of whack for a few days. He didn't sleep well at all and always looked exhausted. Sunday afternoon he took a two hour nap, by his own choice. I don't remember the last time that happened. It seems the affects of the steroids have wore off now and he is back to his energetic, busy-bodied self.
•We had an extra long Thanksgiving break and several weekends at home, which has led to lots of games. Trevin loves playing card games and board games, but he's especially taken to checkers and chess. He legitimately beats me at checkers almost every time, but James has him beat at chess. I am the weaker opponent, which is probably why he preys on me more often. (And please enjoy Myla's photography skills. You never know when you're being documented when she's around.)
Trevin has been known to help Myla with her "homework" and it makes me melt every time.
Myla:
•She's always doing her "homework" and she's worked her way through her first preschool book. She's so excited for it to be her turn to go to school for real.
•One day, Myla told me she knew the presidents. I told her to tell them to me. To my surprise, she rattled off the first 10 without hesitation. I guess we all learned some thanks to Trevin. If she's lucky, she'll still remember them when it's her turn to recite them in second grade.
•We took the kids to Fuji to celebrate the end of harvest. Myla insisted on using the chopsticks. It was adorable and we were there for an eternity. There is nothing fast about an American 3-year-old eating rice with chopsticks.
•She loves to draw and color, and she writes her name really well. She's been drawing family portraits at the bakery and I take a picture every time because they're adorable.
•My mom asked her what she wanted for Christmas. She thought about it and said she wants "crackers because we don't have crackers at home." My mom thought that was a funny request, so the next time they were at the store together my mom asked her to point out which ones she wanted. Turns out, she wants saltine crackers for Christmas. She's so easy to please.
Also, we do have saltine crackers at home, I'm not a monster.
•Myla loves selfies, braids, and my old Polly Pockets that my mom sent home with her.
•She's got the best giggle in the family, and my biggest prayer is that we don't ruin her, because she's seriously a joy.
Baby:
•I honestly can't decide if this pregnancy is flying by or dragging on forever. Some days I look at the calendar and am shocked that we're over halfway, and other days I feel like I've been pregnant all year. But regardless, we've hit the second trimester and are quickly approaching the third!
•We had our 20 week ultrasound a few weeks ago. Baby looks great! We didn't find out the gender, which felt strange, but I think I've finally come to terms with it. We didn't get very many pictures during the ultrasound, because the doctor had to chase baby around my stomach. Just wouldn't hold still! I'm starting to really worry about this wild child. The doctor has referred to it as "stinker" more than once. At one of the last appointments, the doctor just listened for the heartbeat. We heard it for about 5 seconds and then it vanished. She couldn't locate the baby again. She always laughs about how active the baby is, but I'm pretty sure my eyes widen and my palms get sweaty every time. Oh, baby, please be kind to us. I'm tired just thinking about how much energy you seem to already have.
•Since we didn't find out the gender, we're still in need of two solid names. Our girl name is set and likely won't be changing unless someone snags it before then. I'm still holding on to the boy name I like and James seems to be coming around to the idea. I think mostly because I started sending him weird names when I got desperate. As of now, I've called off the name search and am content with the two names we have. But we're always keeping our ears open for names that catch our attention. In the meantime, Trevin insists that "Lewis and Clark" is a great name. So my family has started calling the baby Clark or Clarky. I guess a nickname has emerged until birth.
•I've been feeling baby movement for a couple months, but in the last couple weeks I've started feeling kicks every day. Actually, baby's squirming as I'm typing this right now.
When I was 20 weeks, were all sleeping in the basement because of the floor staining fumes. One night, as we were all quieting down, I thought for sure I could feel baby's kicks on the outside, so I called the family over one-by-one and they were all able to feel the baby that night. The movements are still fairly soft, so I'm sleeping through it in the night at this point, but they are most certainly there. A few days ago, I suspected I even felt the first round of hiccups!
•Surprisingly, I'm still sleeping really well. I know I've got a ways to go, but I feel like I'm sleeping better now than I have almost all year long. I'm sure that will all change as these kicks get stronger, my back aches more, and my bladder runs out of room.
•When I was pregnant with Myla, I was diagnosed with something called Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction (SPD) or more attractively, Pelvic Girdle Pain... Long story short, my body releases the hormone Relaxin (which causes my ligaments to loosen my pelvis to prepare for birth) too soon. This is supposed to happen at the end of pregnancy to make a safe birth canal, but for some reason my body releases it insanely early. This causes my pelvis to be able to rock back and forth and have zero support. I started noticing pain this pregnancy at 16 weeks, which was extremely early. I was really uncomfortable. It felt like someone was trying to pry open my pelvis.
I talked with my chiropractor and doctor about my options. They both suggested trying a pelvic belt to help keep my hips in place and my pelvis secure. The first time I put the belt on, I about cried. I could feel my hips shifting back into place and it was torturous. But after that initial adjustment, I've felt great! I wear the belt regularly and typically the only pain I feel is fairly mild. That is until last night.. I was playing with Myla on the floor, without my belt, when I felt my pelvis pop in an instant. I dropped to the ground and could hardly get up from the floor. The pain in my pelvis was the worst pain I had ever felt from SPD by a million. I tried walking but I only made it about two steps before I dropped. I could hardly move the rest of the night. I was still pretty miserable this morning, but I'm moving around much better, thanks to the belt I'm sure. I'm hoping I can avoid something like this happening again. A trip to the chiropractor and diligent belt-wearing should do the trick.
We were a pathetic sight last night when James was trying to help me walk as he was hobbling around in a walking boot. It was a grim glimpse at our future in a nursing home, maybe that day is coming sooner than we think.
All that to say, SPD is temporary. It will likely resolve after birth and it is not causing any harm to the baby. I can live through a few months of pain if it means holding my baby at the end.
Please just forgive my premature pregnancy waddle for the time being...
Our loss this year is understood by few and forgotten by most, but as January approaches our hearts feel raw again. It feels like losing Auden once more. It's the most conflicting emotions.. feeling happy, healthy baby kicks inside of me while still wrestling with the pain of losing my last child. We're celebrating every successful week of this pregnancy, understanding what it's like to not make it this far. Each week is truly a miracle and we won't take that for granted.
Have a Merry Christmas, everyone.
