Close Shave

This month may go down as the craziest of our lives. This last year, actually.. We find ourselves scratching our heads at the recent turn of events, as I'm sure you can relate. So many days I find myself thinking I'm going to wake up from this dream, but every day it becomes more and more reality. These are strange times, indeed.

Life before quarantine...

It's hard to believe that just a few short weeks ago, our life looked and felt completely normal. I sat in on a cover crop meeting that James and his dad put on for local farmers. He showed me his notes for his portion of the presentation ahead of time and I made as many "that's what she said" jokes as I could. He appreciated the feedback. I tried to pay attention during the presentation, but the teacher was so cute; it was distracting. 

We also did super normal life things like go to other people's houses, and see friends, and eat food from a restaurant. We were living the dream.

Beard Day

You may remember that James and my cousin Caleb started a beard competition on Labor Day of 2019. They've been comparing them every week at church and it was finally time for the beard competition to come to an end. We scheduled haircuts and straightedge shaves for the men at a legit barbershop in Lincoln in early March. 

The "measures" of competition ended up looking a little different. Their length was actually very similar (James's curls up really tight, while Caleb's lays more straight.) But in the end, James conceded to Caleb in beard mass. It was a good run, though. They both grow a better beard than 90% of the population, and that, in itself, is a win. 

The barbers had a little fun with the trimming process and worked their magic for an hour-and-a-half. The transformation was alarming for everyone. They both went from a lot of hair all over to baby-faced boys.

James's cheeks were soft to kiss for about 12 hours and then not again for a week. It is unbelievable how fast their beards grow. They were both unrecognizable at church the next day and that was the last time we were able to meet as a congregation. James said he'll probably have a full beard again by the time we get back to church to see everyone. 

I felt like we needed to go buy them a couple suits and fancy them up after the haircut and shave. Dapper. We ended the day at Rodizio for lunch and ate until it hurt. Little did we know this would be our last weekend of socializing. 

Turn of events... 

We were fully aware of the headlines and the concern regarding the coronavirus. I keep up with the news and politics fairly regularly; it's kind of a secret hobby of mine. Talk radio? Political podcasts? Yes and Yes. So it was no surprise to think that eventually the social distancing guidelines would make it here, but I was surprised how quickly it all happened. 

We had a parent-teacher meeting at Trevin's school scheduled before all of this to discuss next year's calendar, changes, and logistics. The principal informed us that night that they had a plan in place to switch to online learning as soon as necessary to handle the impending pandemic. I was impressed that they were three steps ahead of most schools and thought that it was a good to have something just in case. But I have to admit, it did feel a little premature. I didn't expect for schools to close all across the state just three days later. 

The parent meeting was Thursday night. Sunday night, March 15, it was announced that school would be closed. Monday we picked up homework packets and text books. Tuesday we started online learning. The transition has been remarkably smooth. Trevin spends one hour every day on a Zoom chat with his teacher and classmates. After that he usually spends a little time finishing up homework or using some suggested websites as additional learning opportunities. He's really enjoyed being able to see his classmates and teacher every day and I think that's helped with the adjustment to online schooling. He's spent days and days working on his lego sets, now that he has all the time in the world. He really loves school, but I think this kid is a home-body at heart. 

The school has announced that we'll continue online education through the end of April and that will conclude our school year. He won't get to walk back into his class, school, or hallways as a second-grader again. The end-of-the-year activities have all been cancelled. We're heartbroken over that, but understand the necessity of caution. We so appreciate the priority to keep our kids, family, and community safe, even if it comes with a price tag.

We were planning Trevin's birthday party for the end of March in hopes of celebrating him before the arrival of the new baby. Invitations were sent, food was planned, gifts were bought... but it was made obvious that it was not going to happen as the state and national guidelines and regulations started to be set. The party was cancelled and at the time we had hopes of rescheduling shortly after his birthday in April... but we're understanding that's not going to happen either. This kid has had more disappointment in the last month than he's had all of his life, but he's handled it with maturity and he's really shown a lot of character growth through it. So proud of this *almost* 8-year-old.

A few gifts were still sent in honor of his party and we let him open them right away. New toys make quarantine a little easier.

We've been so grateful for beautiful weather these last three weeks. (I say that as an ice storm just rolled in..) We've spent endless hours outside and more often than not a family walk finishes out the day.

James and I were considering getting Trevin a trampoline for his birthday this year. After the school closed and we saw the weather was going to be favorable, we decided to surprise him early with it. The kids were ecstatic and have already spent countless hours on it. It will be the perfect addition to our low-key spring/summer in the midst of the pandemic and newborn life.

Since we've been in quarantine, it's given me literally no excuse to not complete the remaining projects on my list before baby comes. I finally tackled the rest of the laundry room. This picture is what it looked like when we moved in almost 9 years ago. 

I painted most of the room and stripped the wallpaper in the last couple months, but couldn't wrap up the project until James helped paint the cabinets. (We have future plans for a major main floor renovation, so this update was simply cosmetic for the time being. Blame it on nesting, but it probably could have, and should have, been updated years ago..)

The black cabinets helped finish off the room for now. A new sink is probably in the cards, but I'm calling the current project complete. 

We've been taking social distancing really seriously with the impending arrival of the baby. So we've been using technology to stay in touch with family and friends. The kids enjoyed using some goofy filters when they called Grandpa and Grandma last week. 

It has been the oddest season of life, but I'd be lying if I said it hasn't been rich. We've spent so much intentional time together and we're having a lot of fun.

We've played endless games, ate on the deck as much as possible, read and read, built Legos for days, and spent many uninterrupted hours outside. 

We spent a little time fishing at the pond on Sunday. We feel so grateful to have so much space to roam and play. It makes quarantine not seem so restrictive. 

Myla didn't catch a single fish, but she held every single one of them, and all the worms.

With the guidelines in place for the foreseeable future, physical church gathering have been postponed for now. It's been so sad not to be able to meet with our church family during these uncertain and scary times, but we know that the church is not a building, it's a people. 

I was finally starting to figure out logistics for my maternity leave, when life flipped upside-down. I had planned to continue some aspects of my job, while passing on a few others for a month or so. With the recent turn of events, my maternity leave couldn't have come at a better time. I still have some responsibilities that will continue through this month, but the majority of the demanding work is simply not applicable now. A few less things to think about and plan for... silver lining.. 

Baby!

Nine months ago, I would have never imagined the things that we'd be facing as we prepare for the birth of this baby. Heck, one month ago I wouldn't have imagined this.. But here we are and the reality is we're facing something that is unprecedented. All of us.

A quick update on my progress before I touch on delivery during the pandemic. My doctor checked me at 36 weeks and I was already at 3.5 cm and 70% effaced. I may have fist pumped my way out of the office that day. I was off to a great start. At 37 weeks, there wasn't much movement and I was still measuring at 3.5 cm. This week (38) I hit 4 cm and the doctor said she can feel baby in position. The last several weeks I have felt loads of pressure. I know this baby is down and ready, no doubt about it. Trevin has "measured" my belly throughout most of my pregnancy to see if he can reach all the way around my stomach. His fingertips are barely touching now, so I'd say we've about made it!

I have had some strings of contractions, but nothing noteworthy. I remember the excitement that came with every group of contractions when I was pregnant with Trevin and Myla. I've been much more lax this time around, not timing them or staying up all night walking to keep them going. I have a strong feeling I will go into labor in a similar way that I did with Myla. In one instant. And it will be obvious. No need to waste time or energy on these sneaky Braxton Hicks. My next appointment will be Monday and I'll have passed the 39 week mark. Trevin was born at 39+1 and Myla was born at 41+1, so labor could literally be any day, or I may still be working this waddle for a couple more weeks. One thing I always tell myself when I get to this point, my odds go up every day. 

I've been bouncing and walking and doing all the "put me into labor" things. The baby is out of room, giving some massive kicks and hiccuping all the way to its birthday. The carseat is loaded, the nursery is complete, bags are packed, to-do lists are done. 

Bring on this baby.

The day after that surprising parent meeting at the school, where they told us the plan for online learning, I received a call from the hospital where I'll be delivering. The lady on the other end informed me that they were restricting visitors for all patients because of the covid-19 outbreak. At that point, she told me I was allowed 1-2 visitors, and they had to be the same people for the entire course of my stay. Meaning James and one other person total. I was saddened to hear that, but then she stated quite plainly, "And absolutely no other children may come." It took a second to sink in. My children would not get to come and meet their sibling. My children would not get to come and see me. My children would be excluded from this huge event in our family's life. That was devastating. The lady then told me to brace for their visitor policies to become even more restricting as time goes on. I was glad she did, so that I was prepared for the most recent change in the policy that James is the only person that will be able to be at the hospital with me. 

I remember feeling so discouraged that the kids wouldn't be able to come visit us. But a few short days later, seemingly the entire state started to shut down and the decision seemed much more reasonable. I've come to terms with no visitors, a quiet hospital room, and introducing our baby to family and friends through a screen. I get it. It's for the best. Part of me still hates that this will be our story, but I'm thankful to be taking extra precautions to keep our family safe. 

For a while, it felt like no visitors would be the biggest hurdle we'd face. But each week seems to throw new things at us and the weight of all of it can be unbearable at times. James has not been able to come to any of my weekly appointments, due to restrictions at the clinic, which means I'm talking through stressful situations and options alone with my doctor each week. I'm not typically a "what if" person, but this situation has forced me into those conversations because we need to be prepared for the reality of things not going according to plan. 

As of now, James is still allowed to accompany me to the hospital. My doctor doesn't see this changing before I would go into labor, but we've watched other hospitals choose different policies, so we know it's reality for some. If James would happen to become sick with any covid-19 symptoms, he would not be allowed to come to the hospital with me. I would be facing labor, delivery, and recovery alone. He would miss the birth of his child. If I would happen to test positive before or during labor, I would likely be quarantined from my baby immediately. There's still so much unknown about transmission and effects of covid-19; they're taking every precaution possible. This is why, for the last three weeks, I have only been to my appointments and immediately come back home to change and wash. We're taking social distancing seriously, because we have a lot to lose. And so do a lot of other people that we care about.

My doctor has offered to induce me at 39 weeks if we would chose to because of the anticipated spread of the coronavirus. We know that the longer we wait, the higher the risk of us contracting the virus, before delivery or during our stay at the hospital. At this point, we're choosing not to induce early, but so much changes in just a couple days, so we're taking the decision one step at a time. I'm acknowledging that the situation is incredibly fluid and it's necessary that our expectations reflect the current facts that we have. We desperately long to trust God with the entire situation, while also walking in faith and making wise decisions. If you think of it, would you pray for us as we navigate these decisions and weigh the risks? We would greatly appreciate it.

I've had so many flashbacks to my third trimester with Myla through all of this. I was 30 weeks pregnant with Myla when the unthinkable was revealed. Never in a million years would we have thought we'd have a sister/in-law who would be the victim of a murder plot. It was a confusing, emotional, scary, and horrifying time of life. For everyone. I remember being so afraid to have my innocent baby be born into such a scary world. I felt so helpless, like I had no way of protecting her once she entered the world. (Which was very true, but felt so much heavier as we walked through that trial.) So many of those same emotions have resurfaced in the midst of this pandemic. The world has become intensely more chaotic and dark right before the birth of our child, once again. The normal fears, concerns, and worries about birth have been such an afterthought. I guess it's put things into perspective, if nothing else. 

The past month has made me question, more than ever, why we lost Auden and became pregnant when we did. Why go through that loss? Why weren't we able to have a healthy baby in January when things were normal? Why did I get pregnant, only to give birth at the absolute worst time in our nation's recent history? I don't have answers to those questions, but I land on the truth that God created this baby inside me for a specific purpose at a specific time. This wasn't accidental. I'm given an incredible opportunity to give up any control I thought I had. I'm able to give our baby to the Lord in ways that I haven't before. An act of humility and faith. 

All of the chaos in the past few weeks have been quite the distraction, but as we quickly approach the baby's birthday, we can't help but be so anxious to find out if we have another son or daughter. I've been dreaming of that moment for a long time and I can't wait to meet my newest love. I know that life will still be in chaos when we bring babe home, but we'll be so busy staring at this baby that all of that will fade to the background.

We are so ready to meet you, sweet one. You are the answer to our prayers from 2018, 2019, and 2020. We've been waiting so long for you. We absolutely adore you already. 

Come join the party, kiddo.

Sticking close to home, growing on the farm...