I guarantee my memory is going to fail me while I try to recall the last few months of our life. The old Megan that used to document every single detail no longer exists. Or maybe she does, but she is so deeply covered in piles of laundry, to-do lists, dishes in the sink, and slobbery baby kisses that I can't seem to reach her. Maybe she'll resurface again someday, but probably not anytime soon because...
Baby:
Shock didn't exactly follow this news for us, but in some ways it did. In the middle of September, I remember just feeling so tired. I figured it was a combination of the getting back into the school routine, returning from trip from Minnesota, James being busy on the farm, and Carver dropping to one nap a day. There were several nights that it took everything in me to push through supper, clean up, and little boys to bed before I would crash on the couch by 8 p.m. Which is very not like me. I have no shame in putting myself to bed at an unreasonably early hour, but I don't accidentally fall asleep on the couch. However this was becoming a common sight for a week or two. Naive or not, pregnancy didn't really cross my mind.
A lot of my perspective has changed after struggling to get pregnant for a season and then losing babies. I try to guard myself from jumping into the emotional highs and lows of the unknown. So while I knew it was possible I could be pregnant, I had honestly put it so far out of my mind that my symptoms didn't even trigger the thought for me.
Then I felt a gush one day and had some intense cramping that knocked me down hard. It was too early for my period, and if I'm being honest, I wondered if I was having an early miscarriage. There's something about triggers that can take you back to your deepest moments of trauma in an instant. No matter how hard I tried to stay calm, control my thoughts and emotions, the tears came hard.
But then nothing happened. The day continued, I started to feel totally normal, and that was it. The next morning I could't shake the feeling that I should just take a pregnancy test. So I did. And the emotional whip lash continued when I saw those two pink lines.
I called James in and we shook our heads in disbelief and joy, because one day earlier our hearts were much heavier. We had confirmation of my 7th pregnancy. The 5th pregnancy in four years. Some have asked and I'm sure many have wondered, but the last four years have completely softened our hearts towards growing our family. We always wanted a big family, but we learned the hard way that no pregnancy is guaranteed. So each and every one has been cherished and celebrated in the deepest way we know how. Our hearts are still so fragile surrounding pregnancy, but instead of being afraid to try again, we've seen it as a way to open our hands and trust that the Lord is who he says he is. A good, powerful, compassionate, faithful, trustworthy God. And so James and I stood in that bathroom, with tear-filled smiles and a hope in the One that cannot be shaken.
 |
| 7 weeks |
The next few weeks were a blur. We kept the news close. We chose not to go in for the early labs that I have had in most of my last pregnancies, determining that they can't always give a clear picture of what's going on and can often fill me with more anxiety than comfort. I knew the signs to watch for, aware of the risk of another ectopic pregnancy. I continued to be exhausted by the end of the day and quickly heard the complaints from my stomach as the morning sickness hit. This was the worst I've felt in the first trimester. The nausea would hit, mostly in the afternoons, and seem to last most of the rest of the day. I didn't feel like eating, but at the same time I felt sick with an empty stomach. If I did eat, I regretted it almost every time. I thought laying down for a nap could help relieve some of it, but every single time I woke up more sick when I woke up. So naps in my first trimester basically did not exist. Another bizarre thing, was that I got motion sick very easily. Riding in the car would almost always send me sprinting into the house as soon as we pulled in the driveway and leave me curled up in the bathroom until it passed. One day I was sitting on the trampoline while the kids played on it. A couple bounces and I was done for. I haven't sprinted so much since high school track. Shockingly, the kids didn't seem to notice, or care, that I was consistently unwell. It was very out-of-character for Trevin, who is usually all over this type of thing. Either way, the daily misery assured me that it was a healthy pregnancy.
I was nearing the time when I can get my first ultrasound, so I started communicating with the doctor, got in for labs, received great results, and set up the first ultrasound for October 27. Things seemed to be moving in the right direction, but then the bleeding started.
I don't know if it was panic or heartbreak that seemed to surround me. I didn't even have it in me to tell the people that knew about the pregnancy right away. I felt defeated, but knew the Lord would carry us through, because he already had twice before. There was something in me that tried not to believe I had a pattern, but as the days of pregnancy progressed, I felt the weight of losing every other baby out of the last four and the possibility of that continuing seemed to grow a stronger grip on my heart. Could I actually walk through another loss? Would this sorrow take me back to numbness? I know what is true, and my hope does not lie in circumstances, but every part of my soul desperately didn't want to face this again. I pleaded with the Lord, but submitted. In those moments, you either hit your knees in humility, or shake your fist in anger and pride. I've had seasons of both. But this time the sorrow trumped the anger, and I wept. I longed for comfort from the Great Comforter. I acknowledged my sin and my humanity and was able to pray in sincerity, "Not my will, but Yours." I gave the life of this child back to the one who formed it. And in that submission, I found peace.
I didn't have bleeding with my other pregnancies except for when there was trauma, so the chance of this being normal first trimester bleeding didn't bring me any comfort. My bleeding slowed over the next days and pregnancy seemed to continue. This happened just a couple days before my scheduled ultrasound, and I was relieved to have the day finally arrive. As much as I didn't want to, I found myself packing a small bag just in case. I had been taken directly to the hospital on more than one occasion directly from this first appointment. I still held hope, but I was prepared to not receive good news. I've walked into ultrasounds and been blind-sided before. This wouldn't be one of those times. But the ultrasound started and instantly we saw this.
I searched for any recognizable movement from the baby, but couldn't make any out. My doctor scanned quickly and then found the heartbeat. A sound I didn't know if we'd get to hear. A happy, healthy baby measuring at almost 9 weeks already. Farther along than I had thought. We celebrated and we walked out of the clinic minds racing and hearts swelling.
I had originally thought my due date would be the first week of June, but after my ultrasound, the due date got bumped up to May 29. I celebrated the "fastest" week of pregnancy, since I jumped ahead a whole week while sitting in the doctor's office, but in reality it probably won't matter in the long run. I'll end up a week late and be right back to where I started. I'm just banking on it.
We told the kids the news the next day. They were very excited and Myla instantly started making plans and wanting to discuss every detail. We weren't sure how Trevin would take it. He is getting a lot older now and sometimes being the oldest kid and adding babies to the family can bring mixed feelings, but he was really happy. He secretly loves babies, so I think he was more excited than we thought he might be. The little two hardly took a pause and have continued life as normal. Many people have asked how Carver will handle not being the baby anymore. It's not Carver you should be worried about. It's Mack. He still hasn't fully accepted the fact that he's no longer the baby, so another baby could rock his world once more. But he talks about the baby some and is mostly excited to get to share a room with Carver come spring.
 |
| 9 weeks |
Weeks continued to tick by and I quickly fell behind on photos. I had a few weeks of insomnia in the first trimester. Being awake from 2-4 a lot of nights, just restless. But thankfully that eventually subsided. We made it to the 12-week ultrasound and got to see baby again. It's always so crazy to think how tiny, yet how formed, babies at this stage are.
We announced to the rest of our family and friends and received all sorts of feedback. Mostly positive, some less than stellar, others rather confusing, but that's ok. We're incredibly happy, and we don't expect anyone else to fully understand that considering our hearts have been through different things than theirs have. By the time we shared the news, my tummy was doing all the talking. Babies just pop faster with each pregnancy. Doing my best to soak it alllll in. The fun, the sweet, the uncomfortable, the down-right miserable, and everything in between.
The first trimester slowly faded into a memory and the second trimester came with a little more energy and less sprinting. When people have asked me how I'm feeling, my most common response is, "Well, I can't tell if I'm pregnant tired or just regular mom tired, so I think that's probably a good sign." The hormones have mostly stayed in check, with a few moments of typical pregnancy tears. And then there was what I am referring to as "rage week". Legitimately had no reason to be angry, but I was at a constant boil under the surface. It's the most confusing thing to navigate. I did a lot of keeping my mouth closed and asking the Lord to intervene, because my hormones were turning me into a ball of fury. Thankfully, it passed as quickly as it came on, and I've had much more chill since. I did have a few days of some nasty headaches, but other than that, most of the pregnancy ailments have moved into the past for now. Maybe it's because I've never been pregnant this old before, but the first trimester took a toll this go-around.
My cravings haven't been too wild. I went through a season of citrus, which has been common for me in pregnancy. Also, cilantro and lime on anything that I can. Other than that, snacky everything. Getting full has started to become a challenge some days. I eat a full meal and my brain is saying I should be full, but my stomach is trying to convince me that the meal didn't make a dent in my appetite. So that's been fun.
 |
| 19 weeks |
Around 15 weeks, I had my first SPD episode. You might remember since Myla's pregnancy my pelvis has gone rogue and tried to prepare for birth waaaaayyy too early, allowing my hips to free-rock creating horrible pain and making me waddle like an actual duck for the majority of the pregnancy. So far, the pain has been intermittent and I've been able to manage it pretty well. I'm thankful for every day of normal walking that I get! Hoping it stays at bay as long as possible.
The holidays have made these last few weeks of pregnancy fly by. My 20-week ultrasound happened this week; I'm scratching my head trying to figure out how we're already half-way to meeting this little babe. I started feeling the first tiny movements at 16-weeks, but started feeling movement every day at 18 weeks. Now almost every time I sit or lay down I can feel the little squirms. James was able to feel baby for the first time right at 19 weeks. Each day that passes makes it feel more real to us, and I'm sure it will be delivery day in no time.
Baby was in perfect position for the ultrasound and we got to get a little peak at this sweet face. We didn't find out the gender. We're going for the third surprise in a row! Which hasn't made the name search any easier on us. This might be the longest we've gone without having an option or two. It'll come to us, right?
A few other logistical things have been on our mind as of late. We purchased a new vehicle shortly after we found out about this baby. We had already been on the hunt, because my beloved Tahoe just didn't have the rear capacity that we needed. (Grocery shopping with all 4 kids became close to impossible because of the space issue, also considering the fact that I try to go at least 3 weeks between grocery trips. Bulk shopping is the the only way I know how.) We found a Ford Expedition Max with a middle bench seat, meaning we've got six seats in the back now. Plus the storage area behind the back seat is almost 3x bigger than what we had. It's been a good switch for us, even though I had a hard time giving up my cute Tahoe. The Expedition is the same color as my Tahoe and actually not that much longer, so it feels about the same and most people may not even notice the change since they're so similar.
The next big puzzle to figure out is the bedrooms.. I have no problem with kids sharing rooms, but the bedrooms are fairly tiny. We're brainstorming to figure out the best way to make it all work. That started with getting Myla a bigger loft bed with a desk below. She has absolutely loved it! The smaller loft bed was moved to Mack's room and now we're in the process of figuring out how to move Carver in there. It'll take some creative rearranging, but I think we'll be able to make it work. I feel strongly about having everyone settled in their new rooms before the baby comes. I don't want to have to make those changes postpartum. It'll all work out just fine! Macklin seems excited to have Carver in his room, but I don't know if he fully understands all the consequences that will have.
Here's a few photos of Myla's room.
House:
Have you forgotten we're still working on the house? Because I kind of have. After harvest wrapped up, James got after it again. The first big project was finally getting plaster on the fireplace and vent hood. It seemed very daunting at first, but honestly was a pretty simple process and it turned out so beautiful.
The plaster isn't as yellow as it appears on the photo below. We actually tinted it to match the wall color in the the room, so it's a nice soft white. Next James trimmed out the crown moulding on both to really give it a finished look.
And then the long-awaited walnut mantle went up!
We've since added trim to where the fireplace meets the floor. The only thing left here is to install the custom grates to cover the vent openings on each side.
The next project on the list was the built-in bookcase. We painted and installed the bookcase earlier this year, but it still needed to be trimmed out and have the light installed.
It turned out just how I had hoped. It's the most charming little nook now and I'm so glad we made the space for it.
The last major project on our main floor renovation was the second bathroom. It was the last remaining untouched room since we moved in.
Gut, frame new shower wall, new cement boards, tile, paint, new fixtures, update vanity and built-ins.
 |
| I didn't manage to get a photo of the bathroom before James started tearing into it, but here's a photo of the bathroom when we moved in. Honestly, not much had changed besides a new shower curtain and the rack off of the door. |
James started tearing into this project the week of Christmas, so I've not gotten very many progress photos. We decided to remove the tub and transform it into a walk-in shower instead. This has typically been known as the "boys" bathroom. That's the way it was when James was growing up, so that's the way it's stayed. With that being said, I let James take the reins on most of the decisions, design and all. I picked out a couple sconce lights that I thought he'd like, but he decided on the final one. He opted to refinish the existing vanity and add a new top. He took the lead choosing the tile; I just offered some advice here and there. Honestly, I feel like the decision fatigue from the entire remodel is still wearing on me, so I was actually more than happy to let him make these decisions. I'm to the "I don't really care, let's just get it done" phase of an extended remodel. That's a dangerous place to be if you're the one making the decisions.
Highlights
It's been a fun few months!
I was able to see Shania Twain in concert with some great friends.
We also spent an evening at a silent auction for a local charity.
 |
| 14 weeks |
We celebrated advent with some friends by making the walls of Jericho, (AKA gingerbread houses timed with the kids' advent reading of the story of Joshua).
It was a (messy) hit!
Myla's walls came tumbling down before I could get a picture, but it was historically accurate.
I attempted my first embroidery project; it was cool to learn a new skill. I joined an Advent stitch-along with several gals from church. I had Myla do it with me, because it's right up her alley! It took a lot more time than I had anticipated, but I was able to finish it on Christmas Eve, just in time to display it for Christmas. Myla started strong, but things got busy with Christmas and she didn't make it very far. She's got plenty of time to finish it before next year. I hope this isn't the last of my embroidering career, because it was so enjoyable. Bring on all the granny hobbies!
The last couple months have brought some days of running "daycare"! We get my nephew a couple times a month, snag my nieces when I can, and we usually have a few friend drop-ins at some point. It's fun for the kids to run and play and it's a season where I can usually be available for so many of the people that I've relied on in the past. Trying to say yes to the best things and no to the things that aren't fitting in for us at this stage of life. Happy to return the favors and love on these little kiddos.
Our chickens are laying in full-force. We're getting 12-18 a day and it's been such a good problem to be drowning in eggs. I remember last year at this time being so annoyed buying eggs at the store because of the cost. This year, we've been able to give away our surplus! The kids enjoy gathering the eggs. Thankfully we have plenty, because eggs get dropped all the time. Or left in coat pockets (Myla) only to find a pocket full of egg yolk when we get to church. Trevin had some break in his pocket trying to get them to Grandma's house down the road. You think they'd learn to grab the bowl to avoid yolky pockets. Never know what a day will hold at the Huenefeld house!
Our rooster is always sure to keep everyone in line. He provides a lot of entertainment with his constant crows and his struts around the pen.
While the big, exciting events are always so fun, what we love the most is sweet, happy days at home.
And the kids sure love it when it snows!
Carver even liked getting in on the snow action this year. Until he fell and couldn't stand back up.
James took the big kids sledding at CRC one day with friends, and Trevin and Myla spent another day sledding in Stockham with cousins. We made the most of the short time with the Christmas snow.
But the new year has brought more snowfall, so there will be much more sledding and fort building in the next week. After it gets into positive temps again.
Holidays:
Last photo from Halloween:
James has become the grinch when it comes to hanging Christmas lights. I don't think we've had them on our house for 5 years. This year I decided I was just going to do it myself. But I didn't know how I would accomplish this. In steps my reliable firstborn. "I'll climb on the roof for you, Mom." I think it was equal parts wanting to help me and just being a boy wanting to play on the roof of the house. Either way, I was happy for the help.
We made a game plan, and I did what I could to help from the ground. (I'm not afraid of heights, and have climbed on the roof for this before, but being pregnant I just didn't think it was the best option.) So I coached Trevin through it and tossed him more lights or hooks whenever needed. The kid singlehandedly hung every light on the house. Man, big kids are awesome. We're still trying to decide who gets to take the lights down. Stay tuned.
Holidays bring lots of time with family.
Church Christmas Program:
Getting a good picture with 4 kids is hard. Thought we'd see if 5 kids are easier.
Trevin kept his beard a surprise for us until he went on stage.
Mack did his part and sang his couple songs with his class, and then immediately fell asleep on my lap for the remainder of the program. The program was at 4:30 p.m. It was not late, but he just really loves a good nap.
Christmas celebrations:
When that first gift is too cool and you never want to open the rest of the presents...
We had a sweet day at home together. We bought the kids a group gift and they became a quick favorite! Giant magna-tiles to build all sorts of awesome things - most commonly spaceships, castles, and forts so far. I was worried about storing them, but they stack perfectly and get tucked behind the couch. That's a win for mom, too.
Arizona:
A couple months ago, James asked if I wanted to go with him to a farm conference in Scottsdale. I said, "Yes!" instantly and asked questions later. No kids, the first week in January. I was so excited. We hadn't gotten away, just the two of us, for a long time. We've gone on trips with friends, but it had been a long while since he and I had gone anywhere alone. A few weeks later, I asked James if I could see the itinerary for the conference so I would know what sessions I'd be sitting through. He gave me a deer in the headlights look and said, "Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't get you a ticket to the conference. I didn't think you'd want to sit through it all. There's a spa at the resort and I just figured you'd find other stuff to do." (This is not the same man I married.) I was surprised and thrilled. I think he just told me to spend the week shopping and going to the spa.
We were able to put the kids to bed at James' parents' house before we took off on Monday night. (They were splitting time between our parents' houses.) Our flight was late, leaving GI at 10:00 PM. I was so tired. I attempted to sleep some on the flight, but we had a talker share the row with us. I did nod off for a little while, but regretted it when I woke up feeling nauseous. Thankfully, we were only about 20 minutes from landing and I was able to hold it together. We didn't get settled into our resort room until almost 2:00 AM. I don't know the last time I didn't crawl into bed until 2:00 AM. Fortunately, Tuesday was our free day and we slept in before meandering out for a walk to find coffee and breakfast. I think we spent 2 hours at breakfast that morning, just having uninterrupted conversation. It felt like a dream.
We spent most of Tuesday exploring the town on foot and eating plenty of good food. We settled back at the resort, sat in the sun for awhile, watched part of an old movie in the courtyard, and enjoyed the vibe in the lobby. This was by far the warmest day we had, with a high of 65. Each day got colder and I barely removed my coat the rest of the week when the clouds rolled in and the temperature dropped 10+ degrees. It was still warmer than home, and fun to have a change of scenery for a week, even if that meant jeans and sweaters in the "desert". My cousin and his wife helped with the conference, so it was fun to be able to catch up with them throughout the week.
I had booked a hair appointment on Wednesday. I figured, why not when I've got the time and don't have to worry about the kids. James purchased meal tickets for me for the duration of the conference, so I was able to eat with him at the resort. I spent several hours each day outside (when it was warm) or in the lobby sipping coffee and "working" on the computer. I say "working" because it absolutely did not feel like work with scenes this inspiring and some things were fun, personal projects that I've been playing around with.
Wednesday night there was a fancy dinner for the conference and they served the best crème brûlée that I have ever had. Thursday I scheduled a facial at the spa and spent the afternoon at the mall which was only a couple blocks away.
The meals were always very interesting, meeting people from all over the country (and some from other countries) and hearing their experience with farming with all of the failures and successes they've had. The conference was focused on regenerative farming practices. Some of the sessions would have been really cool to sit in on, but James was diligent to fill me in on everything. Because the topic of regenerative ag is so broad, the farmers that attended the conference were equally as broad. Potatoes, table grapes, dairy cows, tomatoes, egg producers, peppers, onions, seed producers, home gardeners, and other row-crop farmers just like us. It was fascinating to hear how each of these producers came to the point where they were deterred from conventional practices and have sought out ways to raise their crops with more intentionality to soil health and prioritizing a more natural, holistic approach to farming. Each person was blazing their own path in their industry and having to figure out a lot of things the hard way. Variables in weather conditions, water resources, environment, state government regulations, and soil type have lead to no two farmers having the exact same experience. It was incredible to see the resilience in these farmers and their dedication to living out their convictions even if it costs them financially, socially, convenience, or otherwise. It was a fascinating week!
Friday was the last day of the conference, and it ended mid-afternoon. James and I took the rest of the day to get out of the city and go for a hike. It was a 4.5 mile hike and felt good to find a little sunshine see some of the sights that Arizona has to offer. Unfortunately, James started fevering about halfway through the hike. It was a bummer way to end our trip, but we turned in early for the night and set the alarms for 4:00 AM the next morning to catch our flight back to the good life. We were actually thrilled to finally see 4:00 on the clock, because neither of us slept well.
We had a great week away, but we were so ready to get home to our babies.
School:
We finished our first semester strong, getting over halfway by Thanksgiving. This week was our first week back at it after Christmas break. It feels good to get back into routine after a few weeks off. It's hard to believe we'll be finishing our fourth year of homeschooling this spring. Each year gets a little bit easier, but also has its own new challenges. (This year's being a 3 and a 1-year-old. Think next year will be easier?) I'm hopeful and confident we can wrap up this school year before baby's arrival. Next year will be a whole new adventure.
Trevin:
It still amazes me to realize how much he's grown. He doesn't have the rapid change every month, like when he was young, but he's growing in so many ways. It's been a joy to see. Babies are sweet. Toddlers are entertaining. But big kids - they're a lot of fun. I'm still trying to adjust to the later nights with bigger kids. That is not something I'm ready for.
Myla:
She's been obsessed with all things crafting, so you can imagine what her Christmas gifts involved. She's been spending lots of time with her new art supplies and sewing machine. She can get lost for hours whipping up her latest creative invention, especially now that she has a massive desk in her room to use for all of her projects.
Mack:
He doesn't need naps, but he absolutely needs naps. He's destined to fall asleep several times a week, usually in the car, but he wakes up like a bear every time. And if he naps, we struggle at bedtime, so we push for no nap as much as we can. Thankfully, his early rising has stopped thanks to some shifts in schedule and adding a light-up alarm clock in his room.
We're working on a few letters this school year. He's able to spell his name and write it "almost" legibly. Some letter recognition is happening, but we're happy to just be having fun while learning right now. He loves to be included in the big kids' schooling and asks me every day if he can do preschool.
Carver:
Carver had a mishap in the last couple months. He fell and knocked one of his front teeth back. It stayed attached, but bruised pretty good and was accompanied by a split lip. It was pointing back at a pretty sharp angle. Thankfully, it didn't require any dental intervention.
But he looked pretty gnarly for quite awhile. I wasn't sure if it would correct itself or not. It still felt firm, not loose. He was in pain for the first few days, and we were careful what we fed him.
After just a couple of weeks, his tooth pulled forward and it was almost back to normal as you can see in the photo below. I could hardly believe it.
Most common words: tractor, moo, popcorn, babo (basically his word for any fruit,) bye, hello, chicken, and Nacho (thanks to his brother's love for Nacho Libre).
He's typically such a happy, content little guy. But he's certainly learned to be scrappy with his siblings. He's started to fight back on more than one occasion and can actually hold his own better than I would have imagined.
Carver is still sleeping an average of 12 hours at night. He's dropped down to one nap a day and was happy to take it in the mornings, which worked out really nicely for school. But that also meant that I was getting very little done the rest of the day because he was up all afternoon. Those hours can get long when the baby is trying to hold off until bedtime. So about a month ago I switched him to afternoon naps. It's given us an opportunity to figure out schooling with another little tike running around, but overall it's been a good switch for us all.
We're enjoying a few more slower days in these winter months. Meals all together, quieter mornings, and evenings making memories. Looking forward to the sweetest spring preparing for the newest Huenefeld to make its arrival.
No comments:
Post a Comment