Saturday, September 26, 2015

The Good, the Bad, and the Baby


I'm not really sure how to do this. Should I just say it? Or do I need to tell a long story? Maybe just show you a picture? Sing you a song? Ok, I'll just say it... I'M PREGNANT! 

This has been an unexpected journey. Just a couple months ago, I was adamant I was not ready for another baby. I was starting to come around to the idea as the summer went on. But you all know how much Travel Camp changed me. I came home with a complete peace about what was next for us. God reaffirmed that peace when I became pregnant just a few weeks later. 


 My first inclination that I was pregnant came the day I took a pregnancy test. I had hopped in the shower and turned on Pandora. Gary Allan's Tough Little Boys Grow up to be Dads song came on and I instantly started bawling. After the emotional wave passed, I thought to myself, "That was weird. I'm not normally like this. Am I?" And then I just knew. One of my biggest pregnancy symptoms with Trevin was emotional break downs. It seemed all too familiar. The test was taken and once again the tears swept over me, but these were some of the happiest tears I've ever cried. 


I took the test by myself on a Thursday night (unlike last time when James and I did it together). And I decided to keep it from James, because I was due to leave for Women of Faith the next day and be gone all weekend. It just didn't feel right to tell him and leave. So I kept my big secret all to myself for a whole weekend. I about burst. You might recall I forgot the tickets and my underwear that weekend... Does it make more sense now? I was a little preoccupied and brain cells had already died. It wasn't all my fault. 
I returned home Saturday night and sat James down and said, "I need to talk to you. Something very expensive happened." He looked at me, trying to read my eyes. I pulled out the positive test. He grinned and said, "Are you serious?" We were equally excited and later he said, "I thought you wrecked the car, or bought something you shouldn't have." Nope babe, it'll cost more than that... 


We told Trevin right away (this would bite us later). He seemed to somewhat grasp what was going on, but then he showed his 3-year-old logic and said, "The baby's in your tummy like Uzziah's in my tummy!" Almost bud, almost. We then told some close friends within the next couple days. Obviously, Ashton was one of the first. That would have been the hardest to keep, considering the fact that she lives with us and all. We planned to tell the rest of our immediate family all in one weekend. We'd been coaching Trevin to say, "I'm going to be a big brother!" So that he could take the stage when the time came. The Wednesday night before we had planned to tell my parents, Trevin and I had stopped by to see them after church. Trevin got to chatting and started talking about the picture of the baby (him) on the wall. I knew it right then; our secret was in jeopardy. His eyes lit up and just like we'd rehearsed, he proudly announced, "Mom has a baby in her tummy. I'm going to be a big brother!" My jaw dropped. My parents squealed. I realized there was no brushing over that. They thanked him for sharing the news. If I only learn one thing this pregnancy, it's that a 3-year-old is not the greatest confidant. Go figure. Both of our families' are very excited for us, and we enjoyed bringing them all a little joy. 
I'm 8 weeks and our official due date is May 8. Some of you will probably be shocked that we are telling so early. I've realized that there's this strange energy that goes along with announcing before the second trimester. I gather that the fear is miscarrying. That's a legitimate fear that I can absolutely respect. Most people don't want to have to share their loss, rehash the pain by telling everyone they've lost the baby, or include others before they're "in the clear". I respect that. But I'm not like everyone else. If I would have lost the baby at 4 weeks, or if I would lose it at 16 weeks, I would tell, I would want people to know. I would write it. Believe it or not, writing is one of the best ways for me to be free of things. I hope that I'm being respectful of those who have been there. I can't fathom the pain and loss that goes with it, but I know that I would self-destruct if no one knew. (Not saying that anyone else would.) My heart has been so broken this year for several dear friends losing babies before they got to hold them. I've seen first-hand the absolute devastation that comes with it. But I've also seen the healing and the peace that follows. This year I've challenged myself to live with transparency. I want people to see my life. I don't want to hide behind a profile picture. I want to be a real person, flaws and all. Y'all are my support system. I want you in this, good or bad. 

Once we told family, we were ready for it to be out. Heck, even our butcher knows. So spread the word, keep us in your prayers, and love on those mamas that have lost babes. 


It's true what they say. Second baby shows earlier than the first. My stomach, which held so tightly for the first several months of my last pregnancy, has already thrown in the towel. Since almost day 1 it's said, "Alright ladies, we know what to do. Let loose!" And at 8 weeks I'm equivalent to what I was at 14 weeks on the first go-around. What?! I've already retired a pair of jeans. At 8 weeks. I'm promising myself that I won't gain the (cough) 50 (cough) pounds like last time. But this quick growth has me sweating. Literally. Hot flashes. Isn't pregnancy glamorous? When I was 5 weeks, James told me that I had "the glow". Unfortunately for me, I got the glow at 5 weeks, not at 35. By then I'll be the hippo that looks as miserable as she feels. 

No morning sickness here so far (didn't have it with Trevin either). Not trying to rub it in... I've been extremely tired, but I'll take that over the sickness any day. My gag reflex is getting a lot of action these days, though. That's a great time. And you know, if I gag once, I might as well gag 11 times. 


We had our appointment last week and everything looks great! I questioned my doc about my cervix (it tore with Trevin, and there was concern that the scar tissue would prohibit me from delivering naturally again) but she seemed confident that it wouldn't be an issue. She did tell me, however, that I'm likely to have more tail bone issues. (He popped my coccyx out of place and fractured my tail bone. I try not to remember that.. Ouch.) 

Somehow 4 days after we found out I was pregnant, we had our names picked out. So that's one thing to check off the list! We have a long time to change our minds, but we're in agreement and happy, so we'll see. With Trevin, I never had a feeling whether boy or girl. I really don't with this one either, but I had the most vivid dream the other day (yeah, day, it was a nap) of a precious baby girl, we even named her. I can still see her in my head. It was so strange, but that's the only feeling I've had so far. 


We're incredibly grateful and look forward to adding to our family. We figure the second one's got to be easier, right? (This is when you all laugh.) Thanks for all of your love! 

This is our happy dance for baby!



+1, growing on the farm...

Thursday, September 10, 2015

Summer's End

James and I celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary in July. It's hard to believe, but at the same time I feel like we've lived a lot of life in those four years. We spent the day in Kearney doing man shopping at Cabela's,  and woman shopping at the mall. 
Since we've been married I've really missed bike rides. We had bikes in Stockham, but they didn't make the move. So we decided to gift each other new bicycles for our anniversary. Then I realized that Trevin didn't have a bike and wouldn't be able to join us on rides, so he got a bike for our anniversary too. 


He's starting to get it figured out but is having a hard time transitioning from his trike that pedals forward and backward to the bike that only pedals forward. He doesn't love the new bike, which is unfortunate, but I'm convinced by the time he's 10 he'll have those training wheels figured out! Yeah... 

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Oh basement. How I long for you. 
Our basement is just so stinkin' close to done. Ceiling is FINISHED! We love how it turned out and never want to do it again. Carpet is being installed as I type and then I'm going to lay on it for 63 hours because nothing beats new carpet. 
We gave the storm cellar a new coat of paint. Baseboard and trim are done. Sconce lights are finished.  New doors are in place. I'M READY TO MOVE IN. This project is about 4 years in the making. We're not known for "rushing" things. 







We visit Menard's frequently and I know the store much better than I ever intended too. I'm not sure who is saving all that money at Menard's, because it's certainly not us. Yikes. I don't understand how people build entire houses. We're simply remodeling a single floor and have had a ridiculous time. Currently we have a light switch that goes to nothing, and two outlets that are half-way up the wall for no reason. James and I haven't been on the same page for very many things and suddenly we can tell. We're calling it "character".  But we'll learn, I hope. I've already learned many things from this renovation. For example, I installed the outlets, wired them and all! Anyone that's done this knows that it's really easy, but I'm calling it an accomplishment. It's been a long process, but I'm thrilled to watch Husker football in my basement this fall. Hoorah. 







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We're sad to be wrapping up summer, but have tried to fit in as much as we can before the season changes. 


Four wheeler rides.
Or mower rides.






Sweet corn processing. 



Stockham BBQ. 


Farming.


Wedding.


Pool. 
We didn't get to the pool until August. Thankfully he's 3 and won't hold it against me. Where did the summer go? 



Labor Day (It poured at both picnics.)


And of course, fishing. 




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James and Trevin share a lot of interests, but one surpasses them all. Tom and Jerry. These two guys are fairly serious and not always easily amused, but there's something about Tom and Jerry that unites them in laughter. If you've never heard James laugh, it's worth buying a Tom and Jerry episode and turning it on while he's over. The giggles are uncontrollable.  I just watch them watch because it's just as entertaining. 










Trevin recently learned about hickeys. He sucked his lip into a gatorade bottle and went at it. When he saw himself in the mirror, he about cried. It was purple and swollen. Thankfully my parents took him to the Kool-Aid days the next day, so he fit right in with the kids that had Kool-Aid mustaches. It was perfect. 



We celebrated James' 25th birthday last month. I feel like I'm married to an old man. The beard is certainly supporting my theory. I'm Team Beard, for anyone who was wondering. It's rugged and impressive, what's not to like? Also, Jep Robertson is my favorite, so there's that. 
When we sang Happy Birthday, Trevin sang it to me instead of James because he was trying to be silly. But it was my half-birthday, so I was expecting some recognition.  




Trevin and I had a serious conversation the other day and he started it by saying, 
"Do you like pivots, Mom?" I said, "Yes." 



Our recent obsession is the Peterson Farm Bros. You know, the YouTube stars who make farm parodies? Trevin is so hooked. He really enjoys Farmer Style (Gangnam Style), but I think my favorite is Chore (Roar) or Talk Farmer to Me (Talk Dirty to Me).  Pure gold. If you hear him say, "Gotta feed everybody ah. Gotta feed everybody ah." You'll know he's just got a passion for his plants. He's also all about that beef.


I really can't even believe how much this farming thing runs in the blood. There's this strange longing  innately built into his little body. Like when he wants to watch sprayers going over fields on YouTube. (Shockingly, there's more videos of sprayers than you would have guessed.) It makes me stop and try to figure out, "What is my life?" I'm totally out of my element. 


But maybe if I'm lucky, he'll have a little interest in photography. He's familiar enough with a camera in his face. Then we'll have some common ground. 


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Ashton and I took Scott and Billy on our annual summer trip. We visited the Family Fun Center in Omaha. We played glow golf, bazooka ball, laser maze, arcade, rock wall, and laser tag. 

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It was one of my favorite days of the entire summer. 



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With the garden in full blast, my canning passion has renewed. (Notice how I'm completely avoiding the garden topic and changing it to canning. At gardening, I fail. At canning, I succeed. Our garden is embarrassing. End of story.) 
Believe it or not, we were almost completely out of jam. SO scary. I tried a new recipe this year, bluebarb! (blueberry-rhubarb) It is delightful and this is as close as I'll ever feel to being the pioneer woman. 

I also made some sun pickles. We have too many cucumbers and I'm over them. But I'll never be over pickles. They were incredibly easy and so delicious. 



I also recruited some help with the peach jam, (my biggest project). 



Christmas goodies are done. Hallelujah for one less thing to do in December. I give out small jars of peach jam as gifts and made some for home. I also did a couple jars of strawberry-peach jam (our favorite!) This stuff disappears. 


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I've been enjoying this cool dude on our quiet days at home. He recently told us, "I don't want a beard. I want my chin open." At least he knows what he wants. 




He also found caterpillar and it quickly became our pet. It made a cocoon and then we might have accidentally killed it. (This is why we don't do the pet thing.) The cocoon is still in the jar and hasn't changed for a couple weeks. We also caught a tree frog. But we decided to let it go before we could neglect it. Seriously pets are not my thing. I already have to keep a couple humans alive. I don't have the ability to keep much else alive. (If you want proof, look at my garden and flower beds. Enough said.) 





It's duck season. My husband is giddy. He and his friends created this duck blind and they are so proud of it. It's pretty cute to watch, and I'm sure they're thrilled that I called them cute. He's had a couple successful hunts and we've been enjoying duck for supper several nights. SO good. 


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My sister and I had the opportunity to go to Women of Faith together a couple weeks ago. 
There were 11,000 women there and Ashton ended up winning a drawing and received all of the speakers' books along with a WOF tote. I would have been jealous of her luck, except that she lives with me and her winning is a win for me too. 


Ashton and I went up early to do some shopping in Lincoln before the conference. We shopped for about 5 hours before I realized I had left our tickets at home. Really cool. Thankfully my sweet girl, Taylor hadn't left home yet, so James met up with her delivered the tickets. She was a lifesaver. Ashton and I checked into our hotel before the conference. As I was going through my bag I discovered that I hadn't packed any underwear. GOOD GRIEF. Thank the Good Lord for Victoria's Secret's free panty. Has that ever been said? God was looking out for my undercarriage. I don't know if I'm allowed to say that. But I do know how much I love Trevin and how much I hate seeing him in dirty underwear... and God loves me even more that that... Maybe God providing VS underwear isn't biblical, but it might be in The Message somewhere. 


My favorite sassy mama, Jen Hatmaker spoke at the event. This was my third time hearing her live and I've read several of her books and blogs, watched her HGTV show, follow her on Facebook and Instagram, and overall know her life like it's my own. Yes, I'm one of those crazy fan-girls. I want to be her when I grow up. I waited in her autograph line at the break, I was 48th in line. They only let her sign 44 books. 44 out of 11,000. It was pretty depressing. Regardless, we had a great weekend and laughed a lot. (Also if I can be as cool as Luci Swindoll, Marilyn Meberg, or Patsy Clairmont when I get old. I will be so darn happy.)

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We spent a day at the State Fair and hit some of our favorite spots: Case tent, nitro ice cream, Game and Parks building, petting zoo and funnel cakes.




He thought these goats were hilarious.





We even had a girls' night to see Newsboys!


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Uzziah is gaining cheek pounds every time I see him. <heart eyes for days> We're lucky enough to snuggle him next Wednesday while his mom and dad are at work. Oh baby, you are precious.




I blinked and this baby became a toddler. Sweet boy, you are so loved. 




Seasons are changing, growing on the farm...