Friday, November 11, 2011

"I don't know why I'm crying!"

We hit 16 weeks this week! Only about 24 until our little one will make its big arrival.   Our next appointment is November 21st to make sure baby is growing properly.  And December 5th we have our next ultrasound where we will (hopefully) determine if we're having a wee lad or lassie! Right in time for Christmas! I've heard the majority of people think it's a girl, (I think that's only because I have 2 nephews, no nieces, and James has 5 nephews, and 1 niece.  Girls are certainly outnumbered in the next generation, so far.) James is convinced it's a boy, (probably because that's what he's desperately hoping for, growing up with 4 sisters, he already thinks that there's too many girls in the world.) :)  I, on the other hand, have no idea or hunch of whether it's a boy or girl.  And really don't have a preference, because honestly it wouldn't matter what I wanted, it's not my decision to make. haha   I think that James and I are both ready to find out, though.  It will just be one more thing to help us wrap our minds around the fact that we are parents.   We're going to keep the name a secret until the baby arrives, but we've been attempting to brainstorm possibilities.  So far we only have one girl name picked out and are struggling to agree on even a letter for a boy name. haha I'm not too worried.  We still have 5 months until it really matters.  And even then my nephew didn't have a name until his second full day of life. So, apparently, there's no rush! :)

Lately, we've been pretty focused on getting the house ready for baby. There was some painting that we were needing to do, and those projects have been rushed now because we're hoping to have them done before we add a new member to our family. Our first project was painting and reflooring the office, (which is almost done!) Next we have a few accent walls to paint and a hallway, before we start the major renovation of our basement. I've come to realize that the chance of it being completed before the baby comes, is very slim. While freshening up the house, I've also been trying to get in touch with my creative side, which is rather difficult at times. Thanks to Pinterest, I've been able to do some pretty easy projects that are well worth the time and effort. Of course, there's the hoop art, which has boosted my confidence in diy projects. And there's also fall decorations. A friend, Nicole, and I had a good time decorating pumpkins, since neither of us can carve them. :S We sprayed them with gold glitter spray and glued on sequins and jewels. They turned out really fun! Soon we'll have to start worrying about baby-proofing the house and setting up the nursery. Pictures to come!

Besides my clothes starting to not fit and more pressure to my bladder, it's really pretty easy to forget that I'm pregnant.  My belly is a helpful reminder, now that it sticks out farther than it ever has in my life.  But my latest pregnancy symptom is my emotions.  They are out of control at times.  There are days that I wake up and I already feel like I'm fighting tears back.  And I have no idea why I'm upset! Thankfully I do alright making it through the day, especially when there are people around.  I can usually hold myself together pretty well.  But as the day ends, at some point they just come.  Poor James, he tries so hard to help. Now that I think about it, I'm laughing, but I do feel bad for him sometimes.  He tries to comfort me and asks me what's wrong. And usually I reply with something like, "I have no idea, I just can't stop crying." At this point I even try to think of something I can be sad about, and I can't come up with anything. And when I feel like the episode is over, I try to breathe and sometimes another run of chaotic tears come. Even I'm confused by this point and when he asks me this time why I'm crying, I've been known to say, "I'm just so tired of crying." And that is why I'm crying.  haha We can usually laugh about it the next day when I'm feeling much more stable.  He's learned that some pregnancy days, I'm just going to be sad. And I may not have any rational idea of why, but I'll just be sad.  He's a good sport. It would be pretty easy for him to just ignore me on days like that, but instead he pretends that he cares about my unstable emotions.  What a good guy! Now this also means that I have days where I'm extremely happy.  It's these days that I usually keep James on his toes because he thinks I'm up to something.  When he walks in the door and I am just so happy that he's there, I can't even stop smiling, he almost sneaks in the house as to watch for a trap somewhere.  It's also days like this where he doesn't think anything is as funny as I think it is. So I laugh with myself a lot, and he just shakes his head. Now that you think I've completely lost it, I'll let you know that I do have normal days.  Most days are normal and I'm just very content. It's these days that I can laugh at the situation and be grateful for the person God has helping me.  I couldn't have asked for a better husband, partner, and friend.  

I saw our boots sitting at the back door the other day and it made me stop and think.  I could almost picture another pair of tiny boots next to mine.  It's crazy.  Sometimes James and I feel like we've been robbed of our time together, just the two of us.  But God knows what he's doing and we know that we're in His hands, no matter if there's two of us, or three or four or five... We were blessed with four great dating years and now 9 months of marriage to ourselves. He's been preparing us all of these years, knowing that with His help, we will be able to handle it.

When you can't feel God moving in your life, it's scarier than when He's moving your life too fast. Being led to a knew place is far more comforting than being lost in a familiar place.

tears and smiles, growing on the farm...